#5s: Guilty Pleasures

Up until now, I still don't know what my niche is. I don't know which topic I should focus on because I'm good at everything, except Math. You might have noticed that my last few posts were about food. They were purely written out of curiosity. I don't even like to eat that much. Seriously. One thing I know I can be an expert of though, is myself. There is nothing I love more than talking about myself. Like this list right now.

But before that, I would like to explain my title. #5s will focus on lists I will make on this blog. Its not limited to anything. I can make a list of the most random 5s ever, like this and this. So yeah, I am planning to have it as a series together with #cookme, my recipe tutorial. I don't know why I have a hashtag before the series title. Please don't make me explain it. Anyway, I've rambled far too long, I know you're very much excited to read my list.

I considered the items on this list as guilty pleasure becauses they either: make me unproductive for an extended amount of time, they make me spend more than I can afford, they make me fatter that I already am, they affect my sanity, or all of the above. You see, I'm a very boring person. I'm also a bit of a prude. There is nothing sexual about this list because that is at the bottom of the list of adjectives they usually use to describe me. Along with pretentious, loud, attention seeker, and indecent. Since we are on the topic, people usually describe me as humble, timid, conservative, and shy. I would have added, hot, alluring, handsome, and sexy, but they use it so much that they already belong to the adjectives hall of fame. So join me as I further justify my lack of social skills and the strength of my creative writing, as I write something about myself. Interesting!

5. Steam Sales

     - If you have been living under your partner, let me explain. Steam is an online marketplace for games. It offers distribution, installation, updates, and many more. Every now and then, they have this huge sales that make me salivate like a sleeping passenger stuck in EDSA. I have been playing games with my heart since time immemorial so this is a big deal. Imagine getting Skyrim for just P500 pesos or less, that is just orgasmic, really. Partner it with PayMaya, and you'll see your salary evaporate quicker than your last relationship.

4. FoodPanda

     - If you have been living under your parents house because you cant afford to rent because your underpaid yet overused, because you lack self esteem to explore greener pastures... wait. Uhmm. Yeah, FoodPanda is a smartphone application that lets you order food from your nearest restaurants, fast food chains, karinderia, or  neighbors. I can't tell you exactly how many times this app saved me from bad hangovers. Or from those lazy days when I'd rather cuddle (my pillows [go ahead and laugh]) than do anything remotely productive. This is not even a paid post, so you can just imagine how much I love FoodPanda to have it featured on my most trafficked, widely read, uber popular blog. 

3. WatchMojo

     - If you hascrew it. WatchMojo is a YouTube channel that makes, uhmm, videos about the top ten of everything. Literally everything. I can spend an entire afternoon just watching their videos. I don't care if its inaccurate. I don't care if its irrelevant. Its fucking entertaining! Like right now, I am watching Top 10 Dangerous Substances That Will Straight-Up Kill You. Why? Because I can. 

2. Binge Drinking

     -  I don't really drink. But when I do, I make sure to make it like my last. Like a bottle of tequila, on my own, in one sitting. Sometimes, liquors seem like water that I drink it everyday. But I am far from being an alcoholic. I just have this certain affinity towards bottles and anything that says 50% proof or more. I usually binge drink my binge watch top tens from WatchMojo. Its the closest I can get to being high. 

1. Cotton Swabs

     - or cotton buds, depending where you're from. I don't care what you do. As long as you love me. But really, I know its not healthy. I don't even use it for hygienic purposes. I just love how it tickles my hole (ear) as I put it inside. The soft tip brings that familiar feeling of bliss I get with my first shot of anything above 50% proof. It becomes so much more, as you carefully caress the opening of my hole with the head. Nothing is more orgasmic than the feeling of having your hole filled with cottony soft heaven. Except an actual orgasm maybe. Not that I know anything about it. 

So I guess that's it. I don't have much. Like I told you, I'm a very boring person. You might find this list boring as well but its too late now, isn't? You have already consumed what could have been a productive 10-15 minutes of your life. Don't feel bad, I don't. Because I don't have enough fucks to give about your feelings. I'm just kidding. I have, but I keep in my closet. Where all my other fucks are. Are you offended by my profanities? No? Don't worry I still have some hidden away. But I'll reserve that for my next post: How To Offend People. Thanks for visiting guys :)