Lyrics, Melodies and Other Revelations

  If there is a language that our hearts can understand the most, it is music. Music speaks the truth that our minds try to conceal, the message that words are unable to express. For those who are damned and bitter, it is their temporary refuge or maybe their permanent solace.  And for those whose hearts are rejoicing, it is their sweetest escape. Whatever our life’s taste, music has always been there to serve the cocktail.

            It was on the fateful month of May 2010, When Kelly Clarkson, American Idol Season 1 winner came here in the Philippines for a concert.  At first, when I have seen it announced at the national television, I was oblivious of the fact that it was a major phenomenon I was about to witness. I mean I’m not a drop dead fan of Kelly Clarkson but I admire her songs a lot. My impression was, the lyrics of her songs suggest agony and sorrow. For example the lyrics of her song, Behind these Hazel Eyes, comes in, “You won't get to see the tears I cry , Behind these hazel eyes”. Although she sang it with great power, it was very clear that it was a very sad song. Then my aunt, surprisingly got some complimentary tickets and she decided to invite me to come with her. As a music lover myself, I appreciated her craft as an artist. Her song Breakaway was among of my favorites.

            Having a clear recollection of the memory, it was already dark when we arrived at the Big Dome. As a first timer, I get agitated at the sight of throng of people who fall in line at the entrance. Since Kelly Clarkson is an international star, I was kinda hoping that some shadow of a local artist would surprise me. My eyes were fixed at the gleaming lights which were strikingly beautiful as if they’re saying welcome aboard. At the same time, my eyes find their ways to the good looking guys holding popcorns who endlessly pass by. The smell of popcorns fills the air making my stomach churn with hunger.

            When we were seated, we bought hotdog sandwiches to make up for the dinner we haven’t eaten. The Big Dome was indeed spectacular in dimension, that’s why it’s called “Big Dome” in the first place. Who says that we belong in a third world country?. A sea of people was little by little beginning to fill the seats. My Aunt and I were seated at the Upper Box A, just only one box away from the patron and the stage. I was inwardly thankful because of the better view unlike those who are seated at the general admission box. And then something caught my attention, more like someone caught my attention. I see a guy with an average height with charming eyes holding a MYX microphone just a few paces away from me. The angels in heavens are rejoicing singing so close and yet so far because it’s Robi Domingo! I guess propriety was the last thing on my mind. In the midst of people who are obviously belonging to the Upper Class of our society, I shouted his name. He looked at my direction, he waved at me with matching heads and curious stares turning to look at me. I don’t care, I said to myself, because my night was already pretty damn beautiful.

            Just at the instant when the lights were dimmed and the theatrical smoke was blasted like an angry mini volcano, a wave of excitement passed over the audience. Shouts and shrieks not to mention the laser lights dominated the arena. Kelly Clarkson finally appeared on the stage, owning the moment like she’s on top of the world. I guess that’s what it feels like a star, you think you’re above the earth releasing an eternal radiance. To describe her, she gained a lot of weight compared to her appearance way back the early 2000’s. But it really doesn’t matter, her music alone was eargasmic. I can barely remember the first songs that she sang. There was the song “Breakaway,” which made the audience sang along with her in their seats. I was unconsciously being carried away by every beat and rhythm of each song. I don’t know if it was the audience and our common denominator of being hypnotized or the message of the song itself. I stood up, just like everybody else in our box and lifted our hands in the air as we are singing the song. I am glad with darkness because one can hardly read my facial expression.

 Remember all the things we wanted now all our memories, they're haunted we are always meant to say goodbye. I sang for the dream I just lost, for me, being trapped in the pit of rejection. I sang to God why he answered “No,” when I did and sacrificed everything just to get it. I sang for my relatives who derided my UPCAT result, telling me that I am not good enough. Who think that they love me enough but I still have to prove something to deserve their affection.

 Even with our fists held high, It never would've worked out right, We were never meant for do or die. I sang for the world and its deceitful standards. I sang for my friends who think that they are God’s gift to sophistication and intelligence. Who think that they are invincible and superior for the likes of me. And those who think that they the ones who deserve to walk upon the paths of glory.

I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop. I sang for myself and my fragile confidence. For my former self who taught me how to be selfish, that no one in this entire world that could help me. And that in the end of the day, you are completely on your own.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter, Where we take this road someone's gotta go ,And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better, But I want you to move on so I'm already gone. I sang for that special someone in the future who can accept me as I am. Who will not expect that I needed to be better. The one that will make feel special, who will always be there at my worst. Maybe we were strangers now, or maybe he’s like me, at his knees praying to God and waiting for me to come across his path.

Looking at you makes it harder, But I know that you'll find another, That doesn't always make you want to cry. I sang for my dreams which are still burning in me. The dreams that will guide me to my purpose, the reasons of my sacrifices and sleepless nights. The dreams that they say are free when in reality, had to cost everything for me just to get it.

It was easy to loose yourself like this, when you can sing your heart out. Music and lyrics can serve as tears sometimes, when the circumstances forbid you to cry. I feel like something heavy was lifted from me. I sat on the bus with my Aunt brooding over the memories that flashed on my head. Anxious about my uneasiness, my Aunt asked me if I’m alright. I said I was just tired but I’m happy. I turned to look at the traffic lights and wished what I said was true.

*By Ramilyn Laysa, a junior Mass Communication student.