How To Be A Good Son

I think I just made my Mom cry again.

Of all the bad things in the world that a human can do, making my Mom cry is something that I wouldn't dare do. But, because I live a funny life, where humor actually hurts, I always end up doing so. You know that notion where people think that if you are a son or a daughter of an OFW, it is always expected that you are smart and has the most impeccable manner? Well, being a son of an amazing OFW, I think I feel alienated as I don't fit to either the smart or the well-mannered.

What made my Mom cry today is something I wouldn't share on the amazing world if the Internet. But she has all the rights to do so. Sometimes, I feel ashamed of all the things, bad things I've done and how it affects my Mom. All though out my life, I always try to be strong and be good. You see, I live among relatives, and more often than not, I always end up humiliating her.

Do  mean all that? I really don't know. I have this certain thing going on with me, I feel sad out of nowhere. Not the typical kind of sad that you just lay down o your bed and play a happy song and you'll be alright. Certainly not the kid of sadness that goes away when you cry. My type of sadness is that I have to go out of the house because I feel suffocated. It will start with a sad thought, followed by sobs, and then I will cry, and I will cry longer than expected. When I don't crying can solve it, I go out and enjoy myself. Sometimes in expense of some others things.

Truth is, I really don't know why I'm like this. My friends say that I just want my Mom's attention and I want her back here in the Philippines. Some say I'm just a having a phase. I really don't know. One thing is clear to me, I made Mom cry again and I feel like shit for causing it.

I'm sorry Mom, I really am.